“Listen to Me, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He and I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” [...]
Sometimes I wonder if despair has a scent, a tell-tell calling card to its impending approach.
I swear Despair must have something familiar about it. Why else would you recognize it the second before it sinks into you? How else can you explain the peculiar way the goose bumps form on your arms long before the [...]
One Year
I didn’t understand why it hurt so much today.
Sure, the day is significant. Its details forever etched within David and me.
Certainly, my emotions are strained.
Clearly, I feel the grief as evidenced by my stumbling; forgetting to charge Adriana’s batteries, neglecting to remember Lila’s diaper bag, spending money on clothes for a baby that isn’t [...]
Full, Circle
Full Circle.
I distinctly remembering my mother saying, “We’ve come full circle,” on the one year of my father’s passing on February 22, 1999.
Full Circle.
Full: Containing all that is normal or possible
cir·cle: A series or process that finishes at its starting point or continuously repeats itself; a cycle.
Full Circle.
At sixteen, I thought that was brilliant.
At [...]
Once Upon a November…
As a child, November meant two things:
1) visiting family
2) HEAT!
As much as my parents tried to express their love and affection with more clothing and toys then we could ever need, they refused to turn on the heat in the winter and the air conditioning in the summer. It was nuts really. We’d walk around [...]
Subject to Debate
Today marks 10 months since Jacob died.
We are coming up on the one year anniversary of Jakie’s final hospital stay. A stay that led us to make the most monumental decision of our lives.
When a child has a chronic illness or condition, his life, and your life are never “normal.” You live in a world all [...]
Where Sadness Lives
She use to sit with me
accompany me to breakfast, lunch and dinner
Then, as the summer days roared hot and heavy
Sadness rose up, no longer satisfied with me
and yet,
it takes just a passing glance for Sadness to find me
again.
She slips back into my shoes, seeps into my skin,
I can almost feel her breath.
What scares me is this,
I [...]
Love = Success; an update
Oh sweet words on a page how I rejoice in you.
My eyes are numb and red.
My head is aching with the intensity that comes only after hours of sobbing.
My spirit is weary and heavy from fighting not just today’s battle, but every one before.
I look back on the last year of my life and see [...]
So this is where I am
words
where are you
i’ve got something to say
but I cannot find the words
think, Katie, think
come on words, you know you want out
the other night I had an anxiety attack.
for hours.
David sat and talked to me.
just talked.
eventually, in the darkness
my heart rhythm slowed,
my breathes were no longer forced.
BUT WHY.
I wouldn’t say I’m reverting to my post Jakie [...]
and then…
they were a family of nine.
Redemption baby due Easter Sunday, 2009.
That makes me 9 weeks and 1 day pregnant today.
That leaves me approximately 30 weeks and 6 days to balance the weight of life and death. A heavy burden, no?
