Sweet baby,
As I lay on the ultrasound table watching you move and swirl I was impressed by your awareness and grace. While the sonographer poked, prodded, and measured I saw you…you, Lucy, I saw you. My eyes filled with instant tears of self-awareness.
In that moment, I realized, you Lucy, were real and true.
While the nightmare [...]
Meet Baby Lucy
When you can’t “say what you mean to say”
This is my third draft.
I tried crying and talking to my oldest sister, but that didn’t give me the release it usually does…mostly because I wasn’t making any damn sense.
I contemplated calling KT or E or S, but well, I’ve done that such much in the last year that even *I* would grow weary of [...]
Subject to Debate
Today marks 10 months since Jacob died.
We are coming up on the one year anniversary of Jakie’s final hospital stay. A stay that led us to make the most monumental decision of our lives.
When a child has a chronic illness or condition, his life, and your life are never “normal.” You live in a world all [...]
Where Sadness Lives
She use to sit with me
accompany me to breakfast, lunch and dinner
Then, as the summer days roared hot and heavy
Sadness rose up, no longer satisfied with me
and yet,
it takes just a passing glance for Sadness to find me
again.
She slips back into my shoes, seeps into my skin,
I can almost feel her breath.
What scares me is this,
I [...]
October 15th-Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day
Because I believe every life matters. Because I am pregnant, have been pregnant. Because my heart will never stop mourning my son. Because I prayed while a dear friend lost her children early in pregnancy. Because I will never forget the day my sister couldn’t speak to me…the day it happened for the third time, [...]
My baby.
Lila is 19 months old.
Just moments ago, as I sat heavy and weary from hours of reading about our present situation, I felt a tugging on my tank top.
I turned to Lila lifting my shirt, patting my belly which, at present, shows no signs of the 13 week child inside.
“Baby,” she says as she rocks [...]
A little bit scared
and by a little, of course, I mean insanely.
“It’ll be okay.”
“Really your odds aren’t that bad.”
“The test has a high false positive rate. I know 5325252 people who’ve gotten a positive screening and they’ve all had healthy babies.”
**********************************
As always, well intended, poorly received.
Hello, my name is Katie. Generally, the less likely the odds the greater [...]
Breathe in, Breath out
So I suppose the upside is, it’s October, not November.
You see this face?
Not only is it beautiful, but it’s mine. Well, my child’s that is. This is the face of hope, promise, and getting up in the morning.
Today I was told that this sweet face has a 1 in 42 chance of carrying a chromosomal abnormality.
Right [...]
