just not the same…

Brought to you by the letter F

I sit here contemplating just how exposed I want to be right now. Do I want to be real? Do I want to be honest?
Adriana’s teacher just sent home a note, a gentle reminder that Adriana’s homework would be more “successful” if perhaps she had some one on one help at home. You know like [...]

He is Risen

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=e3fc68903321ffdbea12
I am a thief, I am a murdererWalking up this lonely hillWhat have I done? I don’t rememberNo one knows just how I feeland I know that my time is coming soon.It’s been so long. Oh, such a long timeSince I’ve lived with peace and restNow I am here, my destinationguess things work for the [...]

Avery declares today, "March Twenty-Two"

She waited for spring, I’m certain of it.
You can always tell when spring is coming. Your body feels it, breathes in its hope and promises of a fresh start. There is an ease and lightness to the air during spring that is undeniable.
My Avery is undeniable.

Avery clearly demonstrates she is her mother’s daughter. A fact [...]

Realization

While driving today, I had a moment of clarity. A realization that took me by surprise while confirming my intuition.
I need to talk about the darkness, the pain, the rage and confusion. I need to talk about death.
Not grieving, death.
I want to create the pain out loud that lived so long in my heart.
I didn’t [...]

Tears and Today

“Sometimes [tears] are the best words the heart canspeak.”
The Shack by William P. Young

Today is for tears and two boxes as I plunge into the devastation around me and sort through Jakie’s things, and make sense of my heart.

Did you know?

That every day I check Jakie’s caringbridge site just to see if anyone thought of him today?
That I tear up and cry at the most unusual, often inappropriate times? Like when dipping ice cream or stopping at a stoplight.
That every day I quizz the kids to make sure they remember their brother?
That I cannot sleep [...]

Stand Still

If I could just stand still for a moment than maybe I could do this.
If I could just find a way to quit moving and breathe, maybe I could absorb this shock.
The days move forward with or without me. Yet I find myself not actively participanting, I am just moving with the days—the days move [...]

Composite list of natural approaches to reduce depression/anxiety

Exercise & Sleep
· Extra rest should be a priority. If you’re tired, your depression and anxiety will be worse.· Sex· yoga-Try to get some exercise every day. Take a walk or get some other form of gentle exercise at least 30 minutes per day, 3 times a week
Sunlight
-Get at least 30 minutes of sunlight [...]

"One"derbaby

This beautiful face has delighted me every single day for the last year.

It’s incredible really, God’s timing.
For thirteen months we tried to conceive our sixth child. It baffled me to no end how it seemed everyone could so easily attain what we wanted so desparately. When approaching the one year mark of trying for another [...]