Today I scared myself.
To my friends who love me and know me best, my sincerest apologies, I’ve been avoiding all of you. And so many of you are going through big things too, childbirth, insurance woes, buying first homes, job losses and job searches. Forgive me for not being a friend to you–I love you [...]
Walking Wounded
The Mailbox
Opening today’s mail I read,
XXXXX Benefits Center
Survivor Processing Unit
“DEPENDENT DEATH BENEFIT”
Benefit.Seriously, benefit??? How can ‘death’ and ‘benefit’ even coexist? Who determined that glorious phrase? It’s digusting. It brings both my anger and my lunch to the surface.
“dependent death benefit” = dead child money
sick.sick.sick.
God, it just makes me sick to see this [...]
To be this happy
I love this kid, she totally cracks me up…she loves to walk around the house like this and just giggle. It makes me smile and most days, that is the very best thing I can ask for in a day.
I remember…
I remember the unusual warmth of that February day. I remember exactly what I was wearing, khaki pants, blue button up short sleeve shirt. I remember we ate at Cracker Barrel that morning, my parents, three sisters and me. I remember we discussed me interning that summer with a political office.
I remember my mom leaving [...]
10 Years Ago tomorrow
I spent my final days with my dad. On Sunday, February 22nd, 1998 my father breathed his last. No warning, no goodbyes, nothing but gone. Leaving behind a 48 year old widow, 2 sons, 3 daughters and 1 grandson. I was 15 years old and in my sophomore year of high school.
It’s amazing how much [...]
Fighting the Demons- 2 months and counting
“We deal with demons that come in the night and clumsy neighbors who come in the day.” ~Living After Losing a Child, Beyond TearsThe first six weeks without my Jakie, it was the neighbors that got to me, that forced the anger into words. The “clumsy” ones who did not speak, who looked the other [...]
3 Feet Ahead
“A glimpse of the next three feet of the road is more important and useful than a view of the horizon.”
~C.S. Lewis
This quote is written in Jake’s memorial service program. It spoke to me then and it certainly speaks to me now.
I finally have the [...]
Ode to My Valentine
You say I never write about you here
or there, or anywhere inbetween.
You poor old dear,
neglected by your wife, how mean.
I’d say I love you more than the moon & stars in the sky
but then you might laugh,
or cry, perhaps even sigh.
For what sillyness would that be to suggest
that I love you more than the heavens [...]
A Parody (of Friendship)
To my friends who love without wanting anything in return, who listen/call/email/chat just because they know I need to hear the sound of my own voice saying my son’s name. To my friends who have never let me down, who continue to carry me through lifes’ greatest heartache, a few words from Mr. Jack Kerouac:
“Here’s [...]
Let it be said of me..
So in my efforts to pretend that all is right with the world, or at the least, all is right within me, I created this place of reflection and mourning. Until today, it didn’t quite hit me just what it is that has me so furious about this grieving business, you know, aside from the [...]
